When is time is on your side?

You’re a sensitive soul and you feel things very deeply. You may be a healer, coach, artist, writer, midwife, gardener, or therapist. You know you want to develop your craft and use your unique gifts more fully to benefit yourself, others, the world.

You might be a lot like Sarah.

Sarah wanted to grow her healing practice. She had completed an extensive training, all while working part-time as a teacher’s assistant. Her friends and family knew how talented she was (they had experienced the benefit of her healing hands and life-altering healing care). But she wasn’t able to get very far. It felt like something was always getting in her way. She was starting to feel like life was passing her by.

It had been two years since Sarah graduated and all this wheel spinning was beginning to impact her confidence.  She signed up for some business building programs online, but was still frustrated with her lack of results. She just couldn’t seem to apply herself to take the steps she knew were needed to grow her practice.

When I first met Sarah she was so discouraged and had begun to blame herself for lack of motivation and poor time-management skills. She called herself the queen of procrastination.

What is your experience of time?

We can have very different experiences of time. You may feel like it’s going slowly, but I might be panicky as it zips by all too quickly.  

Does it feel like there’s never enough time or do you feel bored? Do you multitask and rush and then alternatively, unhook from the grid and veg out? Or perhaps you procrastinate and yet always feel guilty?

The fact is that our experience of time has changed in the past century and even more so in the past few decades.

Long gone are the days when people would spend hours whittling away their evenings. Now, with high-speed web, we’re in touch with people around the globe, day or night. Ironically, it can sometimes feel like we have less time than ever!

Time also shifts depending on your current experience and life events.

babyHere are some life events that can seriously alter your experience of time:

  • the birth of a baby
  • an illness
  • an unexpected life event  
  • accompanying a loved on in their final days.

The last one happened to me recently and so I know how things slow down and how you shift gears in those precious moments as you sit beside your loved one. Every little sip, bite, and smile can feel eternal. Not only does your experience of time shift, but paradoxically, contradictory emotions don’t necessarily seem that far apart.  Bliss and joy may co-mingle with agony, laughter with tears.

Questions like “How much can I get done in a day?” become: “How can I enjoy these precious moments?” and “What is this wild and curious adventure we’re on anyway?”

The experience of accompanying someone on their final journey can often thrust us into what’s called Kairos Time (as opposed to Chronos or chronological time: the one we’re most used to).

Kairos is a Ancient Greek word which means time moment, the supreme or “fitting” moment. It’s not sequential as is chronological time and there’s something of the Eternal Now about Kairos time.

How to best use your time as a sensitive soul leader.

Turning skyAs a sensitive soul, your use of time is especially important. When you have a very intense and sometimes all-consuming inner world, it may be more challenging to focus on getting things done. You may get caught up in details and feel totally overwhelmed. Those feelings can lead to a shut-down. It can be super hard to structure yourself when you’ve got so much going on internally.

My job as a coach of sensitive soul leaders is to help them get laser focused about their purpose and vision so that they can flourish in whatever projects are most important to them. There are a lot of moving parts to this process and one of them is learning how to manage a thing we call time.

We’ve put the focus on being productive above all else and we lose out by doing so.

Unfortunately, in our culture, the vision of how we should use time and good leadership most often tells us to be productive and get something done!

This usually translates to the actions you check off your to do list. Many people can only feel good and worthy about themselves when they’re ultra productive and they efficiently cross lots of items off their check lists.

How sad is that? But not only is it a sad statement on where we are as a culture, it’s also not the most effective way of approaching your time as a sensitive soul leader and it may mislead you away from your purpose.

Think of a diagram with point A and a point B. There’s a straight arrow pointing from point A to point B. That’s how you get things done and attain your goals right?

Wrong!

13532792_10157228665930294_5238347535553327541_nThe actual trajectory between point A and B is a twisting and turning line with lots of swirls, zigzags and loops going hither and thither.

Those swirls and loops and zigzags are where all the learning happens.

If you want to make good use of your time, you need to get right in there and learn about what’s happening in that in-between place (between point A in which you set out to accomplish something and when you actually arrive at point B, your goal).

Or, in another scenario, you may fail to attain point B at all. It’s just as important to find out what’s been going on while you’ve meandered, or struggled.

Who knows, you might discover along that twisty yellow brick road that what you were searching for is not what you really want and/or doesn’t exist. You might find that your true “goal” is already inside you. This is what Dorothy and her friends discovered when they finally met the Wizard in Oz. He turned out to be a fake, but the Tin man, Lion and scarecrow already possessed the qualities of courage, heart and brains that they sought.

But to access those unexpected lessons, you probably need to open up to Kairos time, which is like another dimension.

You need to get out of DOING MODE and into BEING MODE.

leafThis requires slowing down.

Rather than push and force yourself to get from A to B (in whatever way you might have mapped out or whatever way you’ve assumed usually works), you need to surrender and embrace what’s real right now.

Pema Chodron’s book: “Start Where You Are” says it all. It’s about acknowledging what’s true and authentic for you right here and right now. It may not be pretty, tidy or all organized, but when you begin to embrace it that’s when things begin to move, shift and open up for you.

Some of your illusions fall away (just like discovering the wizard is fake) and you start to gain a lot of clarity around your priorities.

As a sensitive soul, you might already be living in those deep pockets of Kairos or non-linear time. Or like Sarah, you might be starving yourself of them by forcing yourself to fit in a mainstream mold so that you can crank your project out (which wasn’t apparently work for her).

A woman standing in the deep waters with her head above the surface.

A woman standing in the deep waters with her head above the surface.

Swimming in the depths is part of your nature and depriving yourself is like going thirsty. Either way, you can’t last long. The trick is to be able to dance and sing between both worlds so you can bring the wisdom of the depths into concrete 3D, day to day reality.

When Sarah began to slow down and allow herself the luxury of embracing her depth, she was able to bring that rich inner life to her planning and strategizing. It wasn’t a linear process and it didn’t happen all at once. However, getting guidance and feedback from a coach and community led to simple changes and immediate breakthroughs which helped her get unstuck and gain traction almost immediately.

Getting a coach was definitely a short-cut and saved her so much lost energy, time and painful spinning of wheels. Subsequently, her healing practice began to take off. She felt alive  and happy to be offering her precious gifts and clients began to come!

In my 6 month program: SENSE and SENSITIVITY, we spend a whole month on your relationship with time and how to unblock some of the areas where your creative gifts are being held hostage or stuck so that you too can start to flourish as Sarah did. Join us! Sign up here to receive more information. 

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img_6429-modifierGabrielle Taylor is a psychotherapist and a Transformational Specialist. Her passion is to offer support and guidance to sensitive, visionary leaders who deeply desire to break through to the next level of their project, business or their dream.

 

1 Comment

  • Melinda

    Reply Reply January 27, 2017

    Beautiful post. Thank you so much.

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